Ups and Downs

After this past weekend dealing with death of a young person, I'm feeling very grateful for all my many blessings. I have a wonderful family and such strong faith, it's truly a comfort during these times. Besides the reality of dealing with this loss, I am also watching and praying for a family who used to be in our ward who recently learned that their 8 year old son has cancer. I can't imagine how that must feel for those parents, his siblings, trying to stay positive and hoping for the best. It's at times like these that our testimonies and faith become so priceless to us. Knowing that we can be together with those we love in the next life brings such comfort and hope. I wish that everyone knew of this wonderful gift, which gives me pause about my missionary efforts. I've got to do better.

Monday morning, I learned Jeff had made it back home to Utah, safe and sound. I gave a prayer of thanks and my heart was happy. I spent the day shopping for gifts - friends and family who are celebrating soon or while I'm away in Utah. My oldest son, Rob, will celebrate his birthday this week. The daughter of a gal I visit teach will be baptized on Saturday, and I won't be able to attend. Another good friend who I also happen to visit teach will be having a birthday next week, and there's a bridal shower planned for my friends son, and a friend of my son. Things continue and the world goes on. I enjoyed shopping and picking out those special items for each of these wonderful people, which made me stop and think about how true the saying "This too shall pass" really is. I find comfort in this, although I know if I were grieving a loss, it would mystify me. I guess it's God's way of helping us through. We hold those we lose in our hearts, and then we go on. We take what we can from the experience, both good and bad, and we learn from it.

I am especially excited because I will soon be with my family in Utah as the arrival of my new grandson is literally days away. I learned today that I will not be able to be along side my daughter as she gives birth via C-Section, but although I want to help in whatever way she needs, I revel in the knowledge that I'll be able to hang out with Porter and enjoy our time together. It wasn't that long ago I was there, so I'm expecting he'll be excited and happy to see me this time, and not so hesitant. I guess I have some 'racing' ahead of me, and that's just fine. I hope I can help him accept and enjoy his new baby brother, but knowing his personality, he won't need help at all. What a loving child he is. A joy to my heart.

Reality Bites

My #2 son came home to California today after being away at school in Utah. Normally, this would bring me such joy and happiness, but today was different. The look in his eyes when he arrived was difficult because I could see he was tortured. He had come home to attend the funeral of a friend he had grown up with. This friend played youth football with my son, attended the same high school, graduated the same year, and now he's dead. The reality of this was apparent in my son's eyes.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to accept death in one form or another. For me, it came early. When I was 6 years old, my baby brother died at 7 1/2 months old. I didn't really grasp the meaning behind it, but I hurt non-the-less. As I remember the young man they are burying today, it makes my heart ache for his parents. I struggle with the reality that this didn't have to happen, but I pray those who knew him will think long and hard about the decisions they make from this point on. Young people sometimes believe they're untouchable, that it couldn't happen to them. Sometimes they take foolish chances and make stupid decisions. It's nothing new, and it will continue on from generation to generation. But hopefully, after this result, it might help someone make a better choice in the future.

I believe that when you die, there is more. I believe in eternal marriage and eternal families. I feel comfort in this knowledge knowing when we lose someone we care about, we'll have the opportunity to see them again. I hope my son believes this too, and can feel some comfort from this belief. I'm sure that his sorrow stems from losing a friend much too soon, and the reality that it didn't have to be this way. I admire his determination to be there for his family, and to focus on the good aspects of the person he was. I'm sure the family will be comforted by his insight, and I am proud of the loyalty he shows to those he cares about. I look forward to spending these next couple of days with him, and I'm grateful that I'll have more time to spend with him in another week once the shock and grief has softened a bit. It comforts me to know that those who die will live on forever in our hearts.

The Beginning

So, what does someone do after being laid off from work after years of faithful service?? Well, once the shock wears off and the joy of having some time to do 'whatever you want'...you start a blog. This is all new to me from this side of the computer, but I have enjoyed my daughter's blog (and some of her friends) for a while now so what the heck. I'm as adventurous as the next gal.

I've really enjoyed my time off, although I found home to be quite different from when I left it over 10 years ago. I started working after being a stay home mom for years. It was a fluke to take on this job, but it worked out beautifully in the long run, and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity. When I first started working, I had four children still at home ranging from ages 17-9. Upon being laid-off, I soon learned that those 10 years took a toll, and I no longer have all the many duties I had before starting that job. Plus, I hired out the housekeeping duties long ago (and don't really want to change that!!), so it was a challenge to stay busy.

Initially, I walked around in a daze, but soon I started doing some simple work on the computer for my son (we've been building a website so I helped complete that...and now have helped to get our second one finished). I appreciated the busy work, but felt I needed to do something more. We (my sweet husband and I) started looking into opening a business of our own. He has wanted to do this for years, but I came on board when I realized that I'd never be safe from losing my job again if I worked for anyone else. So, we've been contemplating and working toward opening a business. It's all going well, so hopefully things will progress and we'll be business owners soon. In the meantime, I've been doing a lot of reading, cross-stitching, and basking in the beautiful sunlight with these gorgeous early summer days. It's a life I've grown accustomed to all too well. I have gone on one job interview - a job that seemed to be written expressly for me. My thoughts are if it pans out, I'll decide from there and possibly work AND open a business. But, I feel fortunate to have the choice in the matter. So many people have no choices, and many are desperate. So sad.

I am totally looking forward to the next few weeks. I'm going to visit my daughter soon as she is giving birth to my second grandson. I absolutely adore my first grandson, Porter. He is so much fun to be around and my only regret is that we don't live closer. But, I have been able to spend 15 days with them after losing my job, and will be with them another 15-16 days when she delivers. I don't think I could have been able to take that much time off had I been working, so obviously, this lay-off has been a blessing in my life. I am totally looking forward to what my future holds. I am so blessed in so many ways, and for that I am truly grateful.